Posted in Humour, My wordpress

Use Humour over Anger

 

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“Pardon me, but I think you have chocolate on your face”

 

WordPress prompt-Can’t Stand Me

 

Wouldn’t the world be a different place if the ‘words’ we selected in times of confrontation, were replaced with something else entirely.

For example-If the confrontational phrase “I can’t stand you” was replaced with “I can’t stand ME”, I am sure your alleged attacker would stop dead in their tracks- surprised at your unexpected reaction and offer their most sincere counseling services immediately.

Reverse Psychology is no joke-It works.

Consider this scenario.

You arrive at work, spritely, on time, and ready to put your best foot forward, when you are rudely greeted by your boss who simply grunts when you say ‘Good Morning’ -wearing your best smile mind you!

You let it go until morning tea time when you awkwardly run into him on your way to the bathroom. Once again, he ignores your presence. You respond by facing him directly in view of blasting his head off-

‘You are the rudest man I think I’ve ever met. What is wrong with you? Does your wife hate you? Did your next door neighbour take a leak on your driveway? Did your parents ban you from watching Baywatch?’

-but instead, for a reason completely unknown to yourself, you say-

“Be careful of the Bananas in the tea room, I’ve heard they give you gas”-his reaction?

“Oh. Pardon?

BONUS,  you have him talking already, and you’ve probably helped him to forget for a few milliseconds that his wife burnt his eggs that morning, and he drove into the back of a semi-trailer on the way -Good job.

Very few arguments are about YOU and THEM. Mostly, it’s about what you say, and how you say it-Right?

So the next time somebody gets out of their car and storms up to your window with a massive bout of road rage, look at them, dip your shades, and say-

“Pardon me, but I think you have chocolate on your face”

 

Photo credit: JoePhilipson via Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Humour, Stories, Writing

SANDALS, FARTS AND BALD HEADS

🍀

The younger generation of today are not afraid to express their opinion.

Is this a good thing?

Well that very much depends on the recipients view, now doesn’t it?

I personally love it when a child puts in their best effort to talk to an adult other than their parents, and express themselves confidently.

However, there can be times when their free expression is frighteningly honest, and you wish they’d have kept their right little trap shut.

EXAMPLE # 1

I had bought some lovely new bed sheets from Myer at the Boxing Day sales-60 percent off and a bargain, I’m telling you.

I made our bed for the night with these lovely fresh, new sheets, tucked them in, creases all ironed out, hospital corners given delicate attention, when my son waltzes on in and announces the following:

“Ooooooooh, lovely sheets mum, are they dog flavoured?”

“Well you must be delirious Xav because the dog is never on the bed”

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EXAMPLE # 2

We were all preparing for a night out at the Basketball, brushing hair (Boys in front of mirror for many minutes, doing what I don’t know), sorting ourselves and my husband walks into the lounge room as proud as punch with a smile from ear to ear.

CHILD # 1-“Are you serious Dad?”

“What?”

CHILD # 2-” Are you serious Dad?”

“Deadly. What’s the problem?”

I sat speechless, unable to find words

“You can’t wear them”-CHILD # 1

“Why not? They’re my new shoes. I found them today, an absolute bargain six bucks, and they’re comfortable”

“But Dad, they’re sandals”-CHILD #1

“What’s wrong with sandals?”

“Only grandpa’s wear them”

“Look at the bright side Flynn, at least he’s got shoes on”-CHILD # 2

Child # 1 sits down slowly dangerously close to fainting from the shock, pallor appearing on his otherwise tanned skin.

“What is WRONG with you kids, mum likes them…don’t you babe?”

I instantly felt my blood pressure drop.

“Oh…

I do…

indeed…

I do…

Yes….I do…They’re great, I mean what’s not to like-right? I mean they have plenty of ventilation, right? That’s important…and they’re…they’re…they have plenty of space if your feet need to grow…”

“Dad…mum hates them” -Child # 2

Needless to say, they have come in very handy as ‘home shoes’ never to be seen in public for when I hang out the washing and the concrete burns the soles of my feet.

 

 

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EXAMPLE # 3

“Did you smell the dog last night? He had the doofs. It was like sleeping in a gas chamber.”-M

“Oh…..” I thought long and hard trying to remember

“Oh yeah, I smelt it…the dog had a foul naught”

I looked at Jasper and he appeared as guilty as sin

“No, that would’ve been mum dad, she farts all the time” -CHILD # 1

-and just for the record-it wasn’t me

 

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EXAMPLE # 4

Michael grabbed the opportunity to have a number 1 haircut while I was at work. He always does that. He waits until I go to work and he does all of these weird things. Any excuse to have no hair at all.

It’s not I’m THAT opposed to it, it’s just he has such lovely dark wavy hair.

It was VERY short. I’m not joking, only one rung above a shiny dome.

He loved his new do.

Reinforcement also came quickly in the form of his mummy who saw it on Skype.

“Ohhhhh very handsome” -all chances of convincing him to keep his hair long were now zero.

Feeling totally expression free, child # 1 walks in and informs me

“I tried to tell the lady mum, but Dad just said ‘nope, cut it all off’ -he turned to his Dad, rubbed his head and said-

“But anyway, it’s actually quite good because now you look a lot less bald”

🏡

💚Heart Story-N.A.Martin

Posted in Daily muse, Humour, Physical fitness, Stories, Writing

It’s a God aweful road back to fitness-but it has to be done

tired-runner-cartoon

 

It’s a God aweful road back to fitness-but it has to be done

 

I’ve always been reasonably fit,  however my restless personality means boredom sets in very quickly if I focus on one particular activity for too long.

I have always craved change to feel alive, hence jumping from one activity to another, or having substantial breaks whilst I amuse my brain with something else for a while.

Despite this annoying tendency to lose focus on my training, it has become apparent that this behavioural pattern of on/off interest has become habitual. In other words, I always come back to it.

‘The coming back to it’ part usually occurs because my body begins to feel like a listless, irritable, unfit, weak, blob with no appetite, no energy and no strengh. Little aches and pains tend to creep their way into my wasting body as a result of increasing stiffness.

Simply put,

I just don’t feel as healthy when I am lazy with the training.

Aside from that, there is no better feeling than true fitness.

Eating well, sleeping well and training consistently WILL make you feel better than when you don’t do it.

Guaranteed.

The challenge, is enduring the painful hike back from blob to less of a blob!

It’s hard, but hard means you need to do it.

I have always had quite the love/hate relationship with the fitness grind. Pain represents improvement, improvement means I’m getting fitter, getting fitter,  results in less aches and and pains, better flexibility, more strength, an improved posture, a better appetite for good food and more energy. Happy Days.

So if your body feels like it’s dying, that’s a good sign!  You are actually getting somewhere! (Medical issues aside)

Today I went for a cycle. One of the first in quite a few months. I felt ok, but there were rocks tied to my wheels, I was certain of it.

How one can go from fit to unfit in a few months is astounding.

I glanced at the tyres to see if maybe they were flat…but they weren’t of course.

Perhaps my seat position was incorrect, that can make it harder?

-I don’t think so.

The excuses in my head kept rolling in but the problem, was simply the machine driving the wheels. It’s always the machine… my legs just didn’t have the kilometres in them and suddenly I was asking them to suck up the oxygen faster than my cells could supply it.

Answer?

High intensity interval training to recruit a few more mitochondria.

The air temperature was hot and the humidity high, which made it quite challenging in itself, but I pushed outside of comfort in an attempt to regain what I had lost.

After a cycle in the heat I always collapse into the pool for immediate temerature relief and a float, no questions asked, still in my cycling gear. I just never have the energy to take it off-but in that, lies some serious problems.

Have you ever tried to take off a running bra top when it is wet?

I do it often, but it is becoming increasinly difficult as the years burn the calender.

In pulling the top over ones head, it  always seems to roll onto itself and get stuck. This requires some serious shoulder flexibilty to undo, and some serious shoulder strenght to pull it over ones head. It’s almost routine for me that the top will get stuck between the time when it is all rolled up, with my shoulders in the air, and it positioned just over my head.

This creates quite the predicament as there are only two options here.

  1. Dislocate ones shoulders
  2. Call for help

I’m not a fan of either actually, especially the second option because there are alway boobs hanging out everywhere, arms stuck, shoulders in pain, semi suffocation, and a terrible air of “damsel in distress’ which results in a direful degradation of dignity.

My road to fitness has begun.

Joy 🙂

Heart Story-N.A.Martin

 

 

Posted in Daily muse, Humour, Stories, Story, Writing

Am I confused at present?

 

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This post was inspired by the fabulously talented 

Vibrant.

Please read his truly poetic post entitled:

Write here, Write Now

Blabberwockying

♦️

I am confused, at least I think I am…

♦️

I think I am confused-but then that was then, and this is now. Is my confusion still present? It’s continuous…it’s past, it’s present, and then it’s past again…but it’s definitely not future, or it could be, perhaps, Understand?

💭

♥️Heart Story-N.A.Martin

MORE POSTS FROM HEART STORY HERE

Posted in Humour

30 Things I’ll never understand


Photo credit: Richard Scott 33 via Foter.com / CC BY-NC-SA

30 Things I’ll never understand

~N.A.Martin

🌀

  1. Why my piece of toast falls butter side DOWN every time
  2. Why you CAN’T KILL A COCKROACH
  3. Why mosquitoes love to bite some people more than others
  4. Why pink doesn’t go with red
  5. Why I can never find a matching pair of socks, where do all the socks go?
  6. Why my pen always disappears at work, where do all the pens go?
  7. Why the kids all of a sudden, can’t find anything when it’s time to leave, and it’s never their fault
  8. Why 8 pm bedtime means let’s have an epic toilet visit, a deep and meaningful conversation, and ‘but I haven’t done my homework’
  9. Why some people are always late, and some people are always early
  10. Why my dog loves my husband more than me
  11. Why when the kids play basketball or soccer, they can NEVER get it through the goal or in the hoop but as soon as I appear they never miss my head
  12. Why pumpkin is so hard to cut
  13. Why no matter how much I vacuum, there is always more dog fur
  14. Why there’s 24 hours in a day, but I never have any time
  15. Why brilliant people have to die, and evil ones seemingly live forever
  16. Why bullies, will always be bullies, and will always get away with it
  17. Why manners in children are a distant memory
  18. Why we have disempowered teachers, and handed over control to emotionally immature children, who are in desperate need for direction.
  19. Why discipline, tradition, respect and aiming for excellence are now politically incorrect
  20. Why athletes are cool and academics are dorky
  21. Why salada biscuits never break down the manufactured lines, but crack wherever they feel like it, causing me to question why I’ll never learn, and why I always throw a tantrum for the inconvenience, when I know it’s going to happen
  22. Why I lose my phone sparking a 15 minute searching frenzy every single time I’m talking on it
  23. Why I vague out during almost every credit card transaction in the shops, leaving the shop assistant patiently waiting for me to input my PIN, while I drift away and contemplate the thoughts in my head….quickly followed by…”when you’re ready” and “oh gosh sorry, I am half asleep”
  24. Why, when we are considered an intelligent privileged culture, we are actually properly broken, with divorce, depression, suicide, obesity, diabetes, cardiovascular disease, domestic violence, and ignorance controlling our daily lives, and effecting our happiness, but third world cultures, who are considered less privileged, and who have much much less than us, are scientifically proven to be ‘happier’.
  25. Why when I walk into Bunnings I turn into a man
  26. Why I never get sick of the taste of Coke
  27. How something can fall behind the couch and enter the black hole of nowhere, never, ever to be seen again, causing endless frustration with the knowledge this thing is cruising somewhere with all the socks and pens of the world
  28. How the remote control is solely responsible for domestic violence, family fights and major control issues, metamorphosing otherwise lovely children and husband into wild, defensive monsters.
  29. Why I’m leaving number 30 blank, so that you can fill it in!

30.

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Photo credit: mistergesl via Foter.com / CC BY-NC-SA

💎Heart Story-N.A.Martin