It was a long, slow walk to the soccer oval tonight.
‘Twas dusk, easily my favourite time of day. Birds skydiving from tree to earth, to earth to tree-nattering happily-pleasant colours in the sky, a drop in temperature, and a plethora of happy people playing sport, socialising, walking their dogs, or simply taking in the fresh air before they settle in for the upcoming evenings agenda.
Dragging my feet, I had to concentrate on placing one foot in front of the other, if I was to make it to where I wanted to go. My legs, it seemed, were on strike.
Usually, I strut down the footpath, in view of making it home as quickly as possible.
I noticed a park bench and turned in its direction, with the immediate thought of taking a seat. Now that’s unusual-I caught myself thinking-as I rarely sit down anywhere, let alone on a piece of uncomfortable wooden furniture in the bushes-but today I considered it.
Exhaustion was overwhelming me.
Sometimes I wonder why we do it to ourselves. Why we push our bodies to train and train and train.
Often, I find myself thinking-never again…but there always seems to be another ‘again’.
I’ve come to the conclusion, that it’s the challenge.
The challenge, to get back on the bike, or get back in the water, or run a few more kilometres when one is totally broken.
When one curses the headwind over and over with absolute resignation, and the potholes, and the long, windy road that never ends.
When one feels they can’t possibly make one more arm revolution-but then they do.
When the sweat pours off one’s face and falls to the bitumen below, only to be left behind as we move forward,
When we struggle to consume enough water to quench our dying thirst.
When the shortness of breath under the water, convinces us we’re obnoxiously unfit and will never make a swimmer-and we’re a complete idiot for even thinking so, but we talk to our mind and our rhythm returns, and we leave the cursing self doubt in our wake.
It’s about kicking the butt’s of our doubtful minds, and traveling beyond our limits.
It’s about being proud of ourselves for not allowing the best of us to be over.
It’s about convincing ourselves, we’re not dead yet.
It’s about ignoring the critics, the downers, the history books, the self doubt or whatever is stopping us and tapping into our deepest pocket of self belief and will and extracting the enormous desire within us, to finally win.
To win the battle of ‘I can’t’… When really…
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