Posted in Humour, Stories, Writing

SANDALS, FARTS AND BALD HEADS

🍀

The younger generation of today are not afraid to express their opinion.

Is this a good thing?

Well that very much depends on the recipients view, now doesn’t it?

I personally love it when a child puts in their best effort to talk to an adult other than their parents, and express themselves confidently.

However, there can be times when their free expression is frighteningly honest, and you wish they’d have kept their right little trap shut.

EXAMPLE # 1

I had bought some lovely new bed sheets from Myer at the Boxing Day sales-60 percent off and a bargain, I’m telling you.

I made our bed for the night with these lovely fresh, new sheets, tucked them in, creases all ironed out, hospital corners given delicate attention, when my son waltzes on in and announces the following:

“Ooooooooh, lovely sheets mum, are they dog flavoured?”

“Well you must be delirious Xav because the dog is never on the bed”

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EXAMPLE # 2

We were all preparing for a night out at the Basketball, brushing hair (Boys in front of mirror for many minutes, doing what I don’t know), sorting ourselves and my husband walks into the lounge room as proud as punch with a smile from ear to ear.

CHILD # 1-“Are you serious Dad?”

“What?”

CHILD # 2-” Are you serious Dad?”

“Deadly. What’s the problem?”

I sat speechless, unable to find words

“You can’t wear them”-CHILD # 1

“Why not? They’re my new shoes. I found them today, an absolute bargain six bucks, and they’re comfortable”

“But Dad, they’re sandals”-CHILD #1

“What’s wrong with sandals?”

“Only grandpa’s wear them”

“Look at the bright side Flynn, at least he’s got shoes on”-CHILD # 2

Child # 1 sits down slowly dangerously close to fainting from the shock, pallor appearing on his otherwise tanned skin.

“What is WRONG with you kids, mum likes them…don’t you babe?”

I instantly felt my blood pressure drop.

“Oh…

I do…

indeed…

I do…

Yes….I do…They’re great, I mean what’s not to like-right? I mean they have plenty of ventilation, right? That’s important…and they’re…they’re…they have plenty of space if your feet need to grow…”

“Dad…mum hates them” -Child # 2

Needless to say, they have come in very handy as ‘home shoes’ never to be seen in public for when I hang out the washing and the concrete burns the soles of my feet.

 

 

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EXAMPLE # 3

“Did you smell the dog last night? He had the doofs. It was like sleeping in a gas chamber.”-M

“Oh…..” I thought long and hard trying to remember

“Oh yeah, I smelt it…the dog had a foul naught”

I looked at Jasper and he appeared as guilty as sin

“No, that would’ve been mum dad, she farts all the time” -CHILD # 1

-and just for the record-it wasn’t me

 

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EXAMPLE # 4

Michael grabbed the opportunity to have a number 1 haircut while I was at work. He always does that. He waits until I go to work and he does all of these weird things. Any excuse to have no hair at all.

It’s not I’m THAT opposed to it, it’s just he has such lovely dark wavy hair.

It was VERY short. I’m not joking, only one rung above a shiny dome.

He loved his new do.

Reinforcement also came quickly in the form of his mummy who saw it on Skype.

“Ohhhhh very handsome” -all chances of convincing him to keep his hair long were now zero.

Feeling totally expression free, child # 1 walks in and informs me

“I tried to tell the lady mum, but Dad just said ‘nope, cut it all off’ -he turned to his Dad, rubbed his head and said-

“But anyway, it’s actually quite good because now you look a lot less bald”

🏡

💚Heart Story-N.A.Martin

Author:

"I have been writing and creating images all my life-though it's only now, that I have finally let in the light" ~N.Martin

One thought on “SANDALS, FARTS AND BALD HEADS

  1. Love that little guy. I think I’ve seen him on several talk shows since then. And maybe someone needs a probiotic? Or leave off the lactose? JK I’m sure it was the fur baby. And you can tell your kiddo, those sandals look almost like the biggest, most popular shoe on college campuses in NC. Chakos are so popular and so daggone expensive, I wish my college kids could find a 6$ pair instead of getting theirs at sporting goods stores, like REI. $$$$$$

    Liked by 1 person

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