Posted in Mental Health, mindfullness, relaxation

Are you an absorber or a deflector?


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‘Please can someone switch off the noise in my head’


by N.A.Martin


“If you are an absorber and you do not take the necessary time to rest your mind, you will live in a continual  state of fatigue and anxiety”





Do you walk into a room and feel the energy hit you like a freight train?

Do you feel uncomfortable in the presence of some people for no particular reason?

Do you have trouble detaching yourself from negative emotions?

Do you avoid conversation and socialising despite the fact that you consider yourself a social person?

Are you an over thinker?

Are you always tired, especially when you have been dealing with people all day?

Does the thought of Cooking for 20 people at a dinner party exhaust you?

Would you rather stay home after a long day at work than go out?

Chances are, you are an absorber!

Truly relaxing can be extremely challenging for some.

This problem can sometimes become pathological and contribute to conditions such as  insomnia, depression and anxiety and  open the door to  substance abuse or destructive social habits as a way of trying to offload noxious energy.

I often wonder when it was exactly, that I lost the ability to relax.

When I was younger, I had the time to stare out of a window and daydream without interruption for hours. I would do as I pleased. Listen to music, draw, go for a run, or just think.

I slept well and I relaxed well.

It never occurred to me that this over abundance of mental space was actually important recovery time for me.

It is a fact that some personality types actually require more mind recovery time than others.

Those people that deflect the energies of those around them require less recovery time than those that absorb these energies.

Absorbers whether they like it or not are wired to soak up the energy around them until they are saturated. These people are usually the more sensitive, emotional personality types. They fatigue more easily and they are more prone to over stimulation.

Often absorbers  are misunderstood.

They may appear  irritable,  short tempered, stressed, depressed/anxious, difficult or unhappy.

This is true, they may present with these traits! Ouch!

However, they may not be aware the cause of this ‘out of character’ behaviour can be attributed to a serious deficit in mental recovery time.

Attempting to function with a stressed out, over stimulated mind day in, day out, makes for a challenging life. Nobody can do that well.

Absorbers, depending on their immediate level of duress, may have the ability to override their ‘over stimulated mind’ and continue to interact with others quite successfully, even appearing to be the life of the party,  however, this is never sustainable. If they do not give themselves the rejuvenation they require for their personality type, and they continue to absorb the energies around them, therein brews a potential disaster.

I know, that it often exhausts me to socialise when I have had a long day at work. The simplest things such as having a reasonable conversation with someone, can be a challenge.  Since having children and working full time I rarely allow myself the time I need to fully rejuvenate in exactly the way I need to- as I regularly did in my former years.

I often live in a state of over stimulation absorbing the energy of everyone around me continuously, with sleep my only reprieve.

Living in this state, gives one the distorted perception that one is in constant demand, or one has no spare time for themselves, or one is the busiest person on the planet, when in actual fact, their life may not be any more demanding than Joe Bloggs down the road.

This is why absorbers love to sleep.

The land of nod provides a much needed escape from the constant flow of energy that they absorb from the world around them.

It has taken me years of unnecessary self torture to unravel the cause of my inability to relax.

I was simply living in a continuous state of over stimulation.

I was so full of everyone else’s energy, that I had no capacity to feel the essential emotions that make us feel alive. Humour, fun, elation, excitement, peace, enjoyment.

The internet, work, kids, husband, family, friends, news, TV, radio, life in general all radiate energy, and absorbers take all of that in and then add to it with their lovely genetic tendency to overthink as well. All of this equates to one thing-


I have now learned the consequence of my nature ( to absorb others energies opposed to deflecting them) is rapid over stimulation when coupled with a lack of mind recuperation.

The solution?

An enormous down time requirement.

When I say downtime, I mean an environment with little to no stimulation, every day. No internet, no talking, no interaction with people, no writing, just nothingness.

The result, I have discovered, is miraculous.

The result, is an entirely different person. A rested person, who has a much greater capacity for others.

This is not always achievable however, as life will always find a way of creeping up on you before you have a chance to refuel. This is normal.  I now understand, it’s a matter of self management.  If  I am feeling overwhelmed,  it is because I have not given myself enough time to empty my mind of emotions, thoughts and energies, and so I will politely remove myself from all stimulation as soon as is humanly possible and do what I need to do to rejuvenate.  If your friends and family know you well enough, they will understand the need for you to do that. If not, they may question your requirement to run away from them. Simply give them a lesson in Biology and reassure them that it is all Grandma’s fault as you have inherited a brain that is extremely empathic, but needs regular grease and oil changes to run smoothly. They might not get it, but they’ll appreciate the new relaxed you when you return.

It’s just the way it is for the hypersensitive empathic personality type.

Deflectors on the other hand, may appear cold, or incapable of feeling empathy. They often don’t operate on quite as deep an emotional level as absorbers, and can’t see the point in dwelling on things, however, they have a gifted ability to deflect the energies around them.

Absorbers may struggle to truly connect with a deflector, and may feel lonely in their company, however, they can actually be a godsend to them. They can act to ‘lighten’ the absorbers mind.

Deflectors have a strong ability to multi-task and not only cope with, but enjoy a high energy demanding life.

They make efficient managers as they have the ability to separate themselves emotionally  from difficult situations.

They suffer from burnout ‘less’ than do absorbers.

Deflectors require less down time than an absorber to operate on a healthy rested emotional level because they naturally deflect, which in turn sustains their rested state of mind.

So if you are an absorber, it is very important to calculate your required down time- The quantity of time you personally require to freshen up your mind- and take it. Some need more time out than others, its as simple as that.

C’est la vie!

Recognise when you are over stimulated and if possible, completely remove yourself from that environment,  with yoga, exercise, meditation, reading or whatever it may be that works for you.



Take the time you need to cultivate a healthy mind.



You are not a grouch,

You are not boring,

You are not anti-social,

and you are not acopic.

Your mind is simply tired.


💚All of Me-N.A.Martin



"I have been writing and creating images all my life-though it's only now, that I have finally let in the light" ~N.Martin

9 thoughts on “Are you an absorber or a deflector?

  1. Is it possible to be an energy absorber and in turn to be able to unknowingly absorb the energy and abilities of those close to you? My husband is an empath but since meeting me he hasn’t really been able to pick up on anybody’s vibes or moods at all and it seems he is becoming everything I used to be and now I am the one feeling other’s emotions. He says he feels drained around me all the time he usually sleeps alot. Is it because I am unconsciously draining him or is it just him being overwhelmed to a limit? Please help me understand.


  2. Thank you so very much for being like me OhMyGod this is a relief knowing that there are other out there just like me. I did not know what was wrong with me…But all thanks to you, I am 100% sure of this.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. athling2001, that is of no surprise to me, given your honesty in your writing. Interestingly, the majority of creative people, to their absolute blessing and to their absolute detriment, ARE absorbers-and that is why they are so fascinating, all the best, hope to see more of you, cheers Nicole


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