ANXIETY

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ANXIETY

🎲

‘Three, six, nine, twelve, fifteen.’

This is the magic chant he uses to distract himself

but his heart still pounds like an abused drum kit in a backyard shed, he is certain it weighs more than a few minutes ago

Breathless lungs immediately respond and inflate themselves to burst pressure

‘Empty space, think empty space… no, better still, don’t think…’

‘Three, six, nine, twelve, fifteen’

The slippery cogs of his mind roll forward with ease once again

but he slams on the brakes

Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang

‘Three, six, nine, twelve, fifteen’

His mind throws another punch and promptly needles his heart with a hit of fresh adrenaline

‘Where did that come from?’

ANXIETY

Beads of sweat appear on his brow, his eyes are unfocused and distant in an attempt to hide the angst that overwhelms him in this moment

‘Three, six, nine, twelve, fifteen’

He is in fast forward

‘aha, aha, aha, aha, aha, aha’

but he has the brakes on

so he appears to be normal

“Hi Bob, how are you today?” they ask

“Great thanks, you?”

but moving forward with the brakes on, equals exhaustion

and moving forward with the brakes off, equals mania

and he knows now, oh he knows, there is nothing in between

‘Three, six, nine, twelve, fifteen’

He knows, to some, he appears normal

He knows, to others, he resembles a very busy person

and he knows, that to the ones that know, he looks like someone whose mind is in fast forward, but with the brakes on

To himself, he looks like a little worm in a little hole, who is frightened of the sunlight

‘Three, six, nine, twelve, fifteen’

“Hi Bob, how are you today?”

“Great thanks, you?”

πŸ—Ώ

πŸ‘“Heart Story-N.A.Martin


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