I can taste the bitter but not the sweet as the alarm clock shouts at me to get up.
You have to be joking.
It’s 0515 again.
The question of ‘why’ pops into the forefront of my mind.
It’s too early for questions, but my brain is determined to slam me into checkmate. The stubborn me however, fights back and refuses to relent.
I still have some moves up my sleeve.
Something inside me, I don’t know what, always has to have the last say. Sometimes I wish that ‘something’ would keep quiet, and allow me to relax, but that annoying little voice is sacrosanct.
It’s because of IT, that I get up and walk out the door, swimming kit in hand.
Eyes straining and stuck together, the drive to the pool is slow.
The stars are still awake and the crescent moon beams it’s grin, seemingly quite happy to be greeting me at this hour.
The chill in the air stings my bare feet, and solidifies the frown on my face. Yikes, an army of goosebumps stand to attention on the surface of my skin, proudly announcing their presence.
My foot deepens it’s relationship with the accelerator.
‘Why’ pops into view again, and my inner voice quickly squashes it with the tunes on the radio; an old man drowning in intellect and steadfast opinions, babbling on about the economic situation in China in monotone waves…I mean, where do you find these people?
I hobble over the cold, rocky gravel my tactile feet once cosy and relaxed from slumber, now crisped and energised as they juggle the rough, cold, earth below.
I pick up the pace in aim of expediting the whole process.
The quicker I’m in, the quicker I’m out.
The water is cool at first, a bit of a whinge, a little song and dance, a few laps, and I quickly adjust, it feels neutral on my skin now.
Familiarity strikes as I re-acquaint myself with the blue and the black.
My body is heavy.
My form of a few months ago, all but gone, but I know, discipline will regain it.
Pushing outside of comfort, cursing the darkness, resenting the alarm clock, facing the constant urge to give up, and enduring the battle between two very different states of mind- negativity, and drive, is all part of the Journey toward achievement.
This morning, it was all about finding the strength to endure the bitter, in order to taste the sweet.