Posted in Funny

PINK BATS FOR FATHER’s DAY-PART ONE

This is the way our family deals with Father’s Day-Almost every year.

Father’s Day? It’s Father’s Day? Oh blast, really? I thought it was next week? Wasn’t it in May? Did anybody buy dad anything?

“Don’t worry mum, I’ve got it sorted”- Xavier chirps

“I went to the Father’s Day stall at school”

Excellent, another year of back scratchers and mugs with ‘THE WORLD’s GREATEST DAD’ printed on them. We could do with another mug, there is a serious mug shortage in our house. At last count we were scrimping it on a mere 23 mugs. Including MY lovely two, with the words ‘World’s greatest mum’ printed across their shiny white porcelain surface.

“What did you buy him?”-I queried

“Dracula teeth”

“Dracula teeth? Yeah, he’s going to love it. By the way, where is he?”

Now Father’s Day is so important to us, that we decided to celebrate it by insulating the roof. Well, when I say WE….I mean Michael.

Although there are days I would very much like to shove him in the roof, today was a bit of a rough one. No coffee, no breakfast in bed, just him and some pink bats. I’m sure most families are having lovely breakfasts and lunches, laughs and toasts. Not us, there’s nothing like a fibreglass shower and some Dracula teeth for a treat.

“He’s in the roof”

“He’s where?”

“He’s in the roof”

“Why?”

…before I could respond, Xavier ran to the manhole and screamed

“Daaaaaaaaaaaad”

-No answer

“Daaaaaaaaad. Come down, I have a present for you”

Before too long, Michael’s footsteps could be heard tramping down the metal rungs of the ladder. He was absolutely filthy, sweating from every single square cm of his skin, and obviously itchy- if the possessed manner in which he was scratching was any indication.

Xavier in the meantime was so excited to give his dad the Dracula teeth, that he was dancing around like a clown and singing opera….? Strange I know, but this is one different kid.

Flynn-“Xavier, you are so loud in the morning”

Michael-“Xavier, your VOICE”

Xavier-“Dad, YOUR face”

Whilst everyone was getting along so famously, I noticed my eyes were uncontrollably itchy…

Me:”Oh no, I think I have something stuck in my teeth”

Flynn- “Your teeth?”

Me-“I mean my eyes, my eyes”

Xavier, noticing Michael was duct taping up his shirt (He duct tapes everything in sight..btw), decided it would be fun to duct tape up his dad’s mouth. The mere suggestion, prompted Flynn to announce;

“If anyone’s mouth is going to be duct taped Xavier, it’s not going to be dad’s”

Xavier immediately filled the air with another humongous baritone note, just in case the place wasn’t noisy enough.

-Meanwhile, Flynn began making himself a coffee.

He was quite meticulous and was appearing to take his time with the finer details.

Me-“Is that normal coffee Flynn or decaf? It better be decaf!” I warned

He paused for a moment as if deeply puzzled, then peered into the cup.

Me-“So? Normal or decaf?”

Flynn-“It appears I have forgotten to add the actual coffee”

Michael-“So it’s just hot water?”

Flynn looking at Michael as if he was completely stupid.

Flynn-“No dad. Hot water AND sugar”

Michael looked at me in disbelief, words clearly escaping him.

Xavier promptly jumps in-

Xavier-“Wake up dozy”

Extremely happy his brother was less than perfect for once, he smugly pushed him aside and began to make HIS cereal.

He picked up the coffee jar, that Flynn forgot to use, and began to smother his rice bubbles with it.

Me-“Nice. Coffee flavoured rice bubbles now Xav”

His eyes grew wide and his hands jerked to a halt.

Xavier- “Oh noooooooo. I could have sworn that was sugar”

Happy Father’s Day Michael…..Michael? …-and just like that, he was back in the roof.

Author:

"I have been writing and creating images all my life-though it's only now, that I have finally let in the light" ~N.Martin

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